Lost In Turmoil
by livingtodream
Summary: Ryoma and Syuusuke feel like their relationship was nothing but thrill. But as they split apart, will they find that it was something more?
1. Lost

**Hi Everybody! This is my second fanfic, first actual story that's not a oneshot and first angst, as well. Please review and let me know how I do so I can improve on my other chapters! Thanks!**

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><p>It had started with the holding of hands, stargazing together, dates at the tennis courts and amusement parks, chaste kisses.<p>

But when Fuji closed the door of some guy's car and walked back to their house smelling of a foreign cologne for the nth time, Ryoma knew his world was spinning out of control.

The door slammed shut, Fuji taking off his shoes and gently laying them next to the door. He turned, surprised to see Ryoma standing in front of him. A gentle smile graced his face, but it was impossible to tell if it was genuine or not.

"Ryoma." Fuji nodded at him, and without another word, swept past him and into their room. "Are you coming?"

Ryoma walked into the room behind him. He noticed the fetid smell of cologne that Fuji would never wear. He noticed when Fuji edged away from him as he lay down on the pillow. And he noticed that as the thrill between them had been disintegrating, so had their relationship. One of them had to walk away, and he decided it would be him.

"Syuusuke?"

"Hmmm, Ryoma?"

"Syuusuke." Ryoma sat up in the bed, swinging his legs over the edge and standing up. "I- I can't do this anymore. I know you don't love me anymore. Honestly, I don't know if you ever did, and yet I was still stupid enough to follow you into this. I don't want to be hurt anymore." Ryoma stood, shaking, as Fuji slowly turned on the bed, resting his head on his palm. He knew that, deep in his heart, he still wanted Fuji to be with him, to apologize and say that he would never leave him again. But his heart froze as he heard Fuji's answer.

"Ryoma, you're right. Don't get me wrong, I felt the same thrill that you did, that first day playing on the courts. I felt the electricity running through me when we played tennis, and after, when we kissed. But if we didn't have tennis, I don't even think that we would be in a relationship. I don't think there was anything under the thrill, so I'm glad you feel the way I do." Fuji smiled. Everything he had said was a teesy-tiny bit harsh, but the truth was the truth, right?

And because he had convinced himself that he had done right, he wasn't sure what the pain in his heart was as Ryoma slammed the door shut for the last time.


	2. Erasing Memories

**Thanks to all of the reviewers and for their suggestions! I'd like to go that way, but I'm not much of a jealousy person. So. There will be a little of it, but not to that extremity. Thanks anyways though! *cyberhugs. Alright, let's continue!**

Ryoma felt the tears streaming down his cheeks as he neared his house. The old one, before he had moved in with Syuusuke.

_It's Fuji, _he whispered bitterly to himself, _FujiFujiFujiFujiFuji... _His thoughts began to blend together, a melting pot of happiness covered in regret. Their first date, their only anniversary, their breakup that should have happened forever ago. _I'm such an idiot. Why would I have even __thought__ that Syu—Fuji-senpai would even like me in the first place? It was the thrill. Just for the thrill._

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><p>As Echizen Rinko heard the sound of a choked sob and the slamming of her front door, she could already guess what happened. Surprised, yes, but she could guess. First love was always like that. Pretending that they "loved" each other, promises that were destined to be broken in the future, finding that "I love you" was just words and they didn't mean much anyways.<p>

But at the same time, she was shocked that it had happened to Ryoma. He had led his boyfriend home that first day, pulling him in the house by the hand. They had been laughing; both of them looked so love-struck and happy to be with one another. She had hoped that her son would be one of the lucky ones, the ones who were lucky enough to find their love the first time, save them some pain and regret.

Even with the breakup, though, for surely that must have been what happened, Rinko knew that it was Syuusuke that had lost something valuable. She didn't go and comfort Ryoma.

Because she knew he was strong.

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><p>Ryoma woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. Karupin was curled up against his stomach, his tennis bag was leaning against the door, and he was just as sleepy as usual, if not a little more. Something felt a little off mark though.<p>

Oh. Right. His boyfriend was no longer his boyfriend, but an _ex_. Ryoma felt something stirring in his chest, but forced it down as quickly as he could. He had promised to himself last night that nothing really mattered anymore. He wouldn't scream, he wouldn't cry, he wouldn't care. Everything would be the same as usual, or at the very least, as close as he could make it.

"ECHIZENNNN!" Ryoma jumped, then opened his window and stuck his head outside.

"Just a second, Momo-senpai!" He jammed on his tennis clothes in record time, grabbing his tennis bag and a bite of toast on his way out the door.

"Going, okaa-san!" **(- AN: I heard that "mother" is suppose to be "haha"?)** He called to his mother, but was surprised when she gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Ryoma. It's going to be alright." She smiled, before walking back to the stove.

So she had guessed. Ryoma felt his heart sink, but shook it off when he saw Momo waiting impatiently at the door. He jumped onto the back of the bike.

"Took you long enough, Echizen." Momo called out as he pedaled furiously toward the direction of the school.

"Che. Maybe senpai's just impatient, neh?"

"Ehhhh? Treat your senpai-tachi with respect, Echizen!" As their bickering continued, Ryoma could almost pretend that it was going to be a normal day. Almost.

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><p>"Minna-san! That was it for today's practice. First years, start cleaning up."<p>

"Hai!"

"And regulars, club meeting in the locker room."

"Hai, Buchou!" The tennis team dismissed, running to the locker rooms and changing and showering. The regulars sat on the bench and waited for Tezuka to start the meeting, although they all knew pretty much what it was about. Fuji held out his arms, but dropped them once he remembered what had happened the night before.

"_Syuusuke, what are you doing?" It had been another club meeting, and everybody had sat down on the benches except for Fuji. Ryoma scooted over and made room for his boyfriend to sit next to him, but was surprised when Fuji picked him up and sat him on his lap instead._

"_Saa, Ryoma, we're dating now, aren't we?" Fuji smiled at Ryoma's blush that had risen at the staring of all the other regulars._

"_Fuji—"Tezuka had started talking, but stopped once he saw his menacing glace. Even Tezuka knew his limits on commanding when Fuji wanted something. He sighed._

_Fuji turned, gently turning Ryoma's lips with his own. It was their own personal message. Ryoma sighed. Even if he didn't want to, Fuji would make sure that his lap was Ryoma's seat for the rest of the club meetings._

Something inside of him burned. There wasn't going to be a cute, cuddly, pouting Ryoma-chan in his lap anymore.

"It was just for the thrill. That was all our "relationship" was..." Fuji desperately tried to convince himself, and plastered his fake smile on once more before the regulars could notice how he was shaking. He joined the other talking regulars in an attempt to take his mind off what was bothering him.

Ryoma walked into the clubroom, slightly late and panting from running all the way there. He froze when he saw Fuji. There was no inviting arms, no smile and call of "Ryoma-koi!"

Instead he saw his ex with his smile still on, conversing with the others as if nothing had ever gone wrong. Ryoma's lips quivered, and he took a seat on the bench. It was one of the only times he had ever sat alone. He closed his eyes, trying to conceal his tears and hoping that nobody would notice. Had he looked up for just a second, he would have seen Fuji's blue eyes staring right at him.

~tears˖tears˖tears˖tears~

"So that will be the order of our matches in the District Tournament. I expect nothing less of straight wins. Yudan sezu ni ikou. Dismissed." Ryoma yawned and received a pointed glare from Tezuka, and walked to the door. Much to his resentment, Fuji was holding the door open. Ryoma smirked and walked through.

"Arigato, _Fuji-senpai_." He tugged his cap down and continued walking home, leaving a frozen Fuji standing at the door. Fuji-senpai? It had taken him _weeks _to convince Ryoma to leave the "senpai" off, and then another to finally make Ryoma call him "Syuusuke". What had happened between the two of them? He had, by instinct, reacted to Ryoma's breakup statement the previous night, and he was sure he had told the truth. But the lack of "Syuusuke" was the final blow.

It pretty much erased all of their dating memories, as if nothing was ever there to start with.

**TBC...**

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**Thanks for Reading!**


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